Mixed episodes

In short, they suck. A mixed episode is when you're showing symptoms of mania and depression at the same time. The symptoms can, over time, alternate their composition.

Lately I've been sleeping like I do when I'm manic: trouble staying asleep and really bizzare dreams. Usually I also have trouble falling asleep but I've found something that really works: I play suduko on my gameboy with the lights off. A couple of those and my eyes are closing on me. (Not sure what I'm going to do once I've done all of the puzzles on there.)

The dreams suck. They are increadiable vivid. I usually can recall days later what they were about. They are more like watching a movie than a usual dream. They go on and on and they have actual plot development and purpose. And recurring themes. If not themes, then at least settings. There is a school, a mall, a campground/park, a bar (which is funny because I'm not a bar person in my real life), and certain people's homes (which isn't where they actually live - they just live there on a consistent basis in these dreams). My favourite part of the dreams: I get to fly. Truly fly. No man-made contraptions. Just me and air pressure. I started to fly in my dreams when I was young and did I ever crash when I first started. Hung myself up on powerlines or trees, bounced myself off door frames (you don't have to be outside to fly - it beats fighting with a crowd) or pavement. Now, it's easy, it's graceful, it's freeing. I love it. It makes me almost want to be manic. Almost. The downside to these dreams is I don't actually sleep while they are going on. A few days of them and I'm so tired that I could fall down even though I can't sleep. And then I start the sleeping pills. Once I regulate my sleep again, the episode will start to relax.

On the mood front:
Yesterday, I was feeling completely high. It was a great day. I was smiling and practically skipping. And I once again started the "am I sick enough overall to need the PSD?"
Today, complete opposite. I just don't want to. And it doesn't matter what your question is. Except for "do you want the dog?" Desperately. I just want to put my arms around him and bury my face in his fur and let this pass. I know it too shall pass but I just don't want to be part of life until it does. Today I'm doing good. I made it to school and I'm writing this on the computer at work.
Tomorrow? I couldn't even start to try and predict it. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. The good news: Tomorrow is a me and Nick day. He handed in his killer paper today; The lovely piece of work that has been keeping him from coming to bed at anything that looks like a reasonable hour. No time for sleep = very little time for me. To put that into perspective, he got 2-ish hours of sleep last night. I hope I'm not feeling completely dispondant for our day together.
And to top all of this off: my stomach is giving me heck. I haven't been treating it very nice, I'll admit. A steady diet of fast food, convience foods at work, and chocolate has done it for my system. Yikes! So I wasn't feeling too good this morning. Then after writing a killer paper in class today, I ate my feelings at A&W. Yuck. Why did I do that? I usually try to keep my self-medicating to chocolate. I figure that it's a little bit better for you then deep fried foods. So for supper tonight: pasta (the not so good for you frozen kind) and a big salad. Yummy. Looking forward to the green leafy stuff.