Love is good

Last Friday, I walked out on Nick. We've been dating for 4.5 years but what was going on wasn't working for me any more. I needed to leave. In leaving, I think he finally realized that his messy ways weren't cutting it. Also in leaving, we both realized how much we love each other. We really want to work through this. We want to stop neglecting each other because we have been. He's the one for me and I really hope he can clean up his act. If he can't, we'll both have to face the heart break that goes with leaving somebody you love. He came over to my parents last night. We kissed for the first time in well over a week. Yes. It had gotten to the point where we weren't even kissing anymore before this happened. After this, I've decided to stop moving. There isn't any urgent need to get ALL of my stuff out. I'm going to leave in boxes what is in boxes and I'm going to take my desk (because doing homework on my bed sucks!) but I'm not going to pack any thing else until I know what's going on. Really, other than the kitchen, I'm pretty much done with packing. Here is hoping that the pile of boxes helps Nick remember what he needs to do.

Nick had the oddest suggestion. Prior to our separation, we had been talking about moving. His parents had suggested that they buy a house and rent it to Nick. From there, Nick could sublet to anybody he wanted but Nick would be responsible for the entire show. Ever since this happened, I've felt homeless. My parents' house is a place that I can always go, but it's not where I'm going to hang my heart. I feel mildly like an intruder. He suggested that even if we're not ready to share a bed, he could sublet to me and I can make the place my home. He even went so far as to suggest that I could have the upstairs and he would have his space in the basement. I so appreciate the offer but I don't know if I could share a house with him without climbing into his bed more often than not. But the idea of a home, especially one shared with him, is so appealing. Please notice the difference between the words "home" and "house".

But I'm scared. I'm so scared. I don't know if he can make the changes I need. I've heard "I will do ... " so many times without any results that I have trouble putting any faith in it. He needs to this time. The time for "I will" and procrastination is over.

On the training front:
With life going on, I've mildly neglected Paige's training. I've been doing just enough to maintain what we've covered already but we haven't progressed at all. Except in one area: I bought her a new lamp to be able to turn on. It's one where you just touch the base to turn it one. She took to it like a fish to water. Now I just need to put it on command and then set it up so the alarm is the cue. Still lots to go on that one.

Yesterday, after being at the apartment and everything (see yesterday's post for how I was feeling), I needed to go to the drug store by my parents' house to move my prescriptions over there. I couldn't do it alone, so I turned it into a training walk. Paige is being a bit of a monster on the leash ever since we moved without warning. She needed a couple of reminders once we got into the store but she settled into working mode quite quickly. She has figured out when I approach a counter (to pay and such), she should just lay down because we're going to be there for a couple of minutes. At one point, I actually had to look for something on a shelf and when I turned around, she was sitting there looking at me like "Look Mom. What's next?" I'm amazed that she can be a monster on a walk sometimes but she gets it so quick when we're out some place. There was one point where the clerk approached us to see if I needed help finding anything. Paige's tail started to go and she started to move forward. I walked her away for just a couple of feet and when we approached the clerk again she was all business, hitting a sit as soon as I stopped and looking at me the whole time. Wonder dog.

I'm noticing that I'm not getting very many access challenges and most are quickly dealt with by me saying that she's a service dog. There aren't very many service dogs around here. The government estimates that there are only 100 or so in the province. I think I'm not getting challenged very much because people are just so surprised to see a dog there. LOL.