Life changes so rapidly

To start this very bluntly: I moved out of the house that I shared with my boyfriend. I just couldn't live with him any more. I'm naturally a very neat, organized person. I like a clean environment where everything has a place. It helps keep me stable. The apartment that I shared with my boyfriend was the opposite of that. It was a disaster and any cleaning that was happening was because I was doing it. With the cycling and negative feelings, I wasn't able to keep up with the cleaning. I needed his help and he wasn't helping. Friday morning (at 4AM) I woke up to the strangest dream. All the way through the dream, I was in a number of situations where different people were taking advantage of me. Eg. operating a coffee shop when I was actually closed. At the end of the dream, I was choking Nick and he was saying "you don't know king from Cain". I think it was a biblical reference: "You don't know Cain from Abel". I instinctively knew that he was trying to say "You don't know how good you have it." I woke up knowing that I needed change. But after that, the change happened way quicker than I thought it was going to. I went to my parents' for the night to have a chance to get some perspective. When I woke on Saturday morning, I knew I was doing the right thing. I've spent the last few days back at the apartment packing up my stuff. You never realize how much stuff you have until you move. Nick and I have been together for 4.5 years. We both thought that this was the big love. That this was it. The one you marry, have babies with, grow old with. And we decided that we may not be ready to give up on that idea. We're going to try and work through the issues while living apart. I need to SEE that the changes are being made in order to have this work. When I move in with him again, it will be because I have agreed to marry him. I never wanted the big, white wedding but if we survive this, I think that maybe we should. We would have a lot more to celebrate than if everything went easy to start with. I really hope that he is able to do and be what I need him to. I'm not ready to give up on him. In the mean time, I hate moving. Right now, I have a bed but no desk, no dresser. Just me, Paige, and Marissa out on our own. We do have plans for moving out with Joce and her dog Charlie but I'm not sure when that will happen. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.